Boy #3

Boy #3...what can I say?? He is my baby! No matter how old he gets he will always be my baby. Everything he does is a bit bittersweet because it is the last time we will do that thing. The last first step, last first word, last first haircut, last first day of preschool and kindergarten, on and on and on.

I had no issues with my pregnancies with boys #1 and #2, but boy #3 brought some challenges and scary moments. I am thankful God chose to allow us to have him here on earth and be his parents for a while...how much we would have missed out on if He hadn't. I am always amazed at how much more quickly he does things. Being the little brother he has always wanted to keep up. He rode a scooter at an age long before the others, got his training wheels off sooner, and learned to swim at a younger age (everyone else was taking lessons, so we might as well throw him in too :).)

I am also constantly amazed at the love in this little boy's heart. He loves his family, he loves his little friends, he hates to hurt anyone's feelings. He is gentle and kind, lets others go in front of him, and has overall been fairly laid back. There of course have been days, and with his brothers his fuse is much shorter, but he is a lover much more than he is a fighter.

I love how he squeezes my hand with 3 short quick squeezes that mean "I Love You", and how he tells me he wants to live across the street with his wife someday :). I love how he wants to play restaurant with me all the time and sit on my lap to read any chance he gets. I love how excited he is when I come to his kindergarten class to help and how eager he is to help me around the house and especially to help Daddy with any projects including nails and a hammer.

As of late, Boy #3 has really begun to follow the birth order of the youngest child and try to do things for a laugh...whatever it might take. And well, quite honestly it's hilarious right now, but as he gets older it just might not be so funny and the things he does for a laugh just might get a bit scarier...much prayer required again as always. But I know God has great things planned for Carson and that He will see them through to the end. "Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Loving every minute I have with this little man!

More From the Babes

Many of these have been said by Carson in the last few days, but there are a couple from the others too.

Carson: He was helping me fold laundry today, and I have a bag to put more delicate things in to be washed in. He was unzipping it and said, "Mom I don't see any of those things that cover your nostrils." (He was referring to bras.)

We went bowling yesterday and it was Noah's turn and Carson was sitting next to me and said "Do you think those skinny arms can do it?" Poor Noah- he did look weighed down by the bowling ball :).

"We should sell our house for $50 and then buy an R.V. to live in instead."

"The first day I rode the bus we ran over 2 playground balls and today we ran over a soccer ball."

Landon came home from school the other day and was very serious about something he needed to tell me about recess. The names have been changed to protect the innocent :).

"Mom today at recess Bob thought Joe was the weather man. Bob does not like weathermen so he is not speaking to him. Joe keeps trying to tell him he is not the weather man, but he will not hear of it and refuses to speak to him still."

This is a really old one. When Noah was about 3 and a half or maybe 4, he would still occasionally have bathroom accidents...we had lots of constipation issues and it was just a lot of fun. One time I jokingly said, "Noah I think it is going to be hard to find a wife that is willing to change underwear." The next time he started to have an accident he ran to the bathroom sobbing. Mark went in to help him and he was very seriously sobbing, "Now I'll never get a wife!"

So glad to be able to record these priceless moments. I will love showing them to them later on!

Boy #2

Boy #2...the middle child :). When boy #2 arrived, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. He took naps, stayed in the nursery, and rode in the car without screaming. He ate solid foods fine and was quiet sometimes- it scared me and delighted me all at once! Boy #2 is probably the one who has had the funniest things come out of his mouth.

He is a blessing. He is kind and generous and he asks how he can help me often. He loves pizza, bowling, and playing tag. Landon is a great reader and a big fan of video games. He loves his family and is very sensitive to when things are not running smoothly with family members. He is growing up before my eyes. I am so proud of the boy he is becoming. He is often far more patient and understanding of Noah than I am. He is always telling me about the kids who "need special help" and tells me that when he is older he can be a helper to them in their class. He is a very tender hearted boy.

But oh, the middle child concerns I have...that on top of being the younger brother of a special needs child and the stress it creates for the family and for him already squished in the middle. He can "stir up strife" as we call it with the best of them- pushing buttons on both sides! I hope I can be the mom he needs to help him find his own identity and to be comfortable with where he falls in the family. Again, this parenting thing is a blessing and a reason to rely on the Lord all at once. I am thankful that He knows Landon's steps, that He knows just what he needs, and that he loves him far more than I could ever imagine. It is comforting to know that at the end of the day, all I can do is love him, pray for him, and teach him to the best of my ability. His choices will be his, and I am really glad there is one who will be there for him every step of the way giving him all that I can't and loving him unconditionally and immeasurably.

I am thankful that He has plans for him and I can't wait to see all he will become. "For I know the plans I have for you", Declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." A wonderful promise to claim for Landon every day of his life. So thankful God has entrusted him to me for this very short season of his life. I am humbled and honored.

Boy #1

A couple of days ago Boy #1 asked me if I was around when Jesus was on the earth!! Seriously- where do they come up with this stuff??!! Each of my boys are special in their own way. Boy #1 has certainly given us a ride in the parenting department. I remember being the absolutely perfect parent- knowing just what to do and say in each situation, how to discipline, what to make a big deal of what to let go, and then I had kids. OH BOY!! Boy #1 did not follow ANY of the rules for being a child...why that guy had the nerve to scream much of the day (and night), and to not follow the Baby Wise schedule that all the "good moms" were using. He screamed at the top of his lungs in the nursery and took 20 minute naps!! What a start to parenting for 2 newbies. I can still remember calling the midwife at 3:00 am on our first night home asking "WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS KID???" He was on hour 3 of screaming. He hated being held by anyone but us. Needless to day, it was exhausting. I felt like a parenting failure much of the time in those days...still feel like that many days now with boy #1 too.

As time passed we began to discover that there were some reasons for the screaming and sleeping and eating issues. It has been such a long journey, and really one that continues on and on and on. Sometimes we are making headway, and sometimes we are in a really low valley. I think God gave us Noah for many reasons. I think He has taught us to look at things from a different perspective, the importance of praying for your children, dealt with pride issues in our lives, and taught us to rely on Him. Also to introduce us to some amazing people who have loved our son unconditionally and helped him feel accepted and safe. It is really hard to not see the end result...and then sometimes I think it is good to not see the future, but to take it one day at a time.

A dear friend and mentor once told me that we as moms cannot find our self worth in our children. I know she is right, but as a mom I find that so hard to do. If one of my kids does something stupid, I immediately feel like it is a complete reflection of me. Boy #1 has a completely different take on life than the average child and what he perceives and does is well out of my control. That is a hard pill to swallow for a control crazy mama!!

He has taught us much compassion. When I see a parent struggling with a child somewhere I am so much slower to judge them. We never know where someone is at or what their situation is, and so often we decide they are bad parents based on the one time we have seen them.

Today we are in the valley and it feels pretty deep. I love my boy more than life itself, and so often I feel discouraged with myself for getting so frustrated, upset, and downright angry with this little guy who has SO many things to deal with just to make it through the day. I am thankful for the glimpses of God I see along this road and I am even more thankful that He promises not to give me more than I can handle...think He might be pushing the limits though :). Much of the time I (and my dear son too) wish that God would take this from him to make things like having friends, riding a bike, making it through a school day, and eating a meal easy and fun like it is for other kids, but I know He sees the full picture and I know that it all has a purpose. It is just harder to see some days than others.

And so, for now I embrace the different ways of thinking and the uniqueness that is boy #1, and I pray that someday I will be a calmer, more patient, and understanding mother for him and that he will know I am his #1 fan even if I don't always show it. He is a blessing to me in many ways and I have never been more humbled or realized just how much I need the Lord than in parenting this precious boy. Every day when I send him off to school with much anxiety, I try to remember to take things as they come and just do the best I can without worrying about what others might think...easier said than done...and then I remember this verse: 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you." Trying to do this one little baby step after another!

The Night Before Kindergarten

My baby is going to kindergarten tomorrow. I was under control, I was excited for him. I was ready. And now everyone is in bed and the house is quiet, and I have time with my thoughts...and I am NOT ready. How can it be?? This baby that I just brought home from the hospital? He just learned how to crawl, took his first step, had his first birthday. He just learned his first word and finally stopped crying in the nursery. For the life of me I cannot imagine how the past 5 years have flown by. This little boy who has always been a part of me will put on a backpack tomorrow morning and I will drop him off to have the time of hs life. He is the one who is supposed to come with me to drop the others off and then come home with me to read and cuddle and draw. To go to the park with me and proudly show me how he rides without training wheels. To pick me flowers and smile really big when he surprises me with them. And it's not just the beginning of kindergarten that I dread...it's the growing up part. Now his life flashes before me- he'll be needing me less and less. There will be soccer, and basketball, and baseball. There will be playdates and parties and cub scouts. Then will come camp and girls and driving. And then will come graduation...and I will have to let this baby go. And kindergarten starts it all. I hope this year I will soak it all up. I hope will revel in the flowers, in the park trips, in the book reading and cuddling. I hope I will make time to play before laundry and dishes and mopping. It is passing me by way too quickly and I don't want to miss a single minute!

Literally out of the mouths of my Babes

Here are a few highlights of what the children come up with around here on a daily basis:

At the zoo- (Carson-loudly I might add): "Mommy, look that bear is licking her paws just like puppy licks her privates!" (Noah): "Let's get out of here. Carson is too embarrassing!"

Landon" "I know about Mormons. They celebrate Kwanzaa." (Mormon friends- I PROMISE I did not teach him this!!!)

Noah: "I'm pretty good at baseball, but really I just go there for the treats."

Landon: "I am going to get some more hic." (Hi-C)

Landon: "_________ at school said that when you get married you have to get a sex. Do you remember getting one?"

Me: "School is SO close!!! Do you know that?? (said the other day to Landon meaning there were only a couple days of summer left) Landon: "I know it is right across the street." (Thanks Amelia Bedelia :) )

One day I found Carson wrapping some toys up as gifts. It was almost Mother's Day. He told me he was wrapping things for "Mother's Day and Men's Day."

Carson: "When I grow up I am going to be a "cross guard" and a garbage truck driver, and a tow truck driver. I will be at the crosswalk in front of our house so I will help you across the street, and you can ride on both trucks too!"

Noah: "We need to put this back in the cup-board." Literally says it as 2 different words.

Landon: "Someone has a crush on me. I think you are supposed to be in 8th grade before you crush someone. I am too young for that right now."

There are more, but for now these are the ones that are coming to my mind. Love my babes! :)

Back to School...

Back to School- where does the summer go?? We had so much fun and got to do so many things. I love the summers when the kids are home and the schedule is flexible and the bedtime can be later and less scheduled.

School is often a source of anxiety for me and I am constantly reminded to "cast all of my cares upon Him" and to remember that "He cares for me." For so long I wanted the kids to go to private school. And they did- but then we realized some things in private schools didn't work for Noah and that was SUCH a hard day for me. I fought tooth and nail and cried many tears over that heart wrenching decision. And you know what?? He met me there. In ways I could not imagine, Noah experienced one of the best school years he had ever had. He had a Christian teacher, and a Christian librarian, PE teacher, and Music teacher. He had a Christian LRC teacher. The blessings were amazing. The year was not a breeze and Noah's issues have become more difficult (he has special needs- many of which we are still baffled by and figuring out). But there was without a doubt a hand holding us steady, guiding us through every step. And the next year we got an aide- a Christian aide, and another Christian teacher, and another Christian LRC teacher. Absolutely amazing. The staff at Noah's school love him and enjoy him and always make sure to give us positive info along with the challenges he may present in a given day. We are blessed.

After Noah headed off to public school (across the street), I was sure Landon needed to be in private- and he was until we decided(through much prayer and me praying again sure the answer was not what I was hearing) that he should be at the same school as Noah. And He has met us there with him too. And I STILL struggle, but we take it one year at a time.

Sometimes I think we as moms are too hard on each other. If we homeschool we need to let everyone else know that is what is best for them, if we do public school, everyone else should follow our lead. If our kids are in private school, why aren't everyone else's for crying out loud???!! I think I am beginning to realize that every family and every child has different needs and we just need to be a support for each other, offer advice when asked, and most of all, PRAY for each other and our kids.

What a long post this has become!! I promise in my next post to dig out some of the things that are straight "from the mouths of my babes" from the archives. But for now, here are my babes on their first day of school. More to come (and MANY tears) when my youngest babe starts kindergarten next week.

Our Life...Never dull!

Life with 3 boys is never dull! For a long time now, I have wanted a way to record the things that come out of the mouths of my 3 boys on a daily basis. They are 3 of the funniest people I know... not always on purpose either, which of course makes it all the more funny :). Many friends have asked me where the book is that I am writing, and well, this is the next best thing. I am hoping to preserve these memories for me and for them later on - when we want to remember, when we want to reminisce, or when we just need a good laugh! I feel so blessed and thankful for all they add to our lives - and so incredibly unworthy and inadequate all at the same time! What an amazing and overwhelming gift parenting is! There are so many things they have said that it is absolutely impossible to know where to start. So, for now I will just start with our 3 guys - we think they are pretty great! Carson, Age 5

Landon, Age 7

Noah, Age 9